A Spiritual Stretch - Just Married!
Yesterday
was an emotional day for me. At 10:07 am
I got a text from my wife, Becky, that announced to me that the Supreme Court ruled to
remove all bans on gay marriage.
Although on some intellectual level, I completely expected it, on an
emotional level I was rocked to my core.
A very long journey had taken a sudden and sharp turn.
At
age 19, in my college dorm room, I finally labeled the feelings I had been
having throughout my childhood. I admitted to myself that I was gay and on some
level, I was devastated. Two things
about my future as a lesbian, that I thought were inevitable, broke my
heart. The first was that I would never
be able to get married. I had always
dreamed of a wedding, a lifelong companion, someone to grow old with and now,
as a lesbian, I would never have that dream come true. The second was that I would never be a
mother, never hold a baby of my own. I
thought at the time that the second dream would be the hardest one to
attain. But, I joyfully hurdled the
barrier to being a mother through the process of donor insemination, and my
beloved daughter was born in 1995.
The
first dream of being married proved to be far more challenging and heart
breaking. Through the years with my
partners, we tried everything available to us to have a close facsimile of the
real thing – we exchanged symbolic rings, ate symbolic cakes, had commitment
ceremonies, registered as domestic partners at city halls and in HR
departments, and created official legal documents of protection. Marriage eluded me until October 2011, when
Becky and I, on our 5th anniversary, traveled to Vermont and got
legally married in the eyes of the laws in that state. It was exciting, but we returned home to
Georgia and were still not married. We
triumphantly filed a joint federal tax return, then slumped backward to file
separate state tax returns.
A
month or so ago, while creating my medical record at a new physician’s office,
I was asked if I was married by the receptionist at the front desk. I hesitated.
Was this a social question or a legal question? If a legal question, who was asking – a representative
of the federal government or the state government? Is insurance a federal thing or a state
thing? The woman stared at me, waiting
for my answer. Finally, I just said – “Well,
I am married, but not in Georgia.” She
smiled and replied, “Honey, always just say yes!”
Yesterday,
as I watched television coverage of the Supreme Court ruling and scrolled
through social media, I found myself wiping my wet cheeks. There were so many leftover tears I had never
cried that needed to spill out in joy and relief. Years
and years of pent up frustration and sadness melted away. Yesterday, my first dream finally came true. I began to seek a spiritual perspective on my feelings.
Love. Joy. Connection. These words describe our inherent nature as divine, spiritual beings. We are naturally drawn to these qualities in life and to experiences that provide intense moments that are filled with these qualities. Human relationships give us opportunities to learn about cultivating these qualities as we journey together on this physical realm. Marriage provides the most intense experience as we learn to find love, joy and connection through many lessons in gratitude, forgiveness, and loyalty with our spouse. These spiritual qualities are of God and know no gender, no barriers, and no sexual orientation.
So,
what did it really mean to me? I changed
my Facebook status to “married”. I
hugged my wife a little tighter when she got home. I embraced and celebrated with a group of
friends last night. I prayed a prayer of deepest gratitude. Nothing big changed
in the external world of my personal life.
But something tremendous changed in my mind and in my heart with the overwhelming
feeling of validation and acceptance settling into every cell of my being. I felt a greater sense of Oneness with all
human beings. I felt love, joy and connection.
And,
from now on, I will always be able to “just say yes!”
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